I overheard the whispered threat coming from down the hallway. Little Sister had done something she wasn’t proud of, and now Big Sister held the power of knowing her secret. Little Sister began to plead and beg. “Please, no! Please don’t tell Mrs. X!” But Big Sister only calmly repeated that she would be informing Mrs. X of Little Sister’s wrongdoing at school later that day. Little Sister was frantic with fear and desperation. Tears fell as she clung to her older sister, trying with all of her energy to persuade Big Sister to keep news of her deed from ever reaching Mrs. X.

Little Sister knew that Mrs. X held her in high esteem, that Mrs. X considered her kind, sweet, and caring. But this deed didn’t line up with that good reputation, and she didn’t want Mrs. X’s opinion of her to be tainted by it. Big Sister was in complete control at this point. The tears and begging continued as they loaded into the car for the ride to school – Little Sister in a panic and Big Sister smug with power.

My heart hurt all day as my mind continually replayed that morning’s drama. I could surely relate to Little Sister’s fear of being found out. I also felt certain that Big Sister hadn’t considered how she would’ve liked to be treated if the shoe had been on the other foot – or the wrong committed by the other sister.

When the girls came home from school that day, we gathered in the kitchen for snacks and conversation. (Grandma pro tip – words seem to flow more freely when there’s sugar involved.) I asked the girls if they remembered what had transpired that morning. I asked Little Sister if she had a secret she wanted to keep from Mrs. X. Sad eyes and a quiet “Yes.” I asked Big Sister if there was anything she had ever done that she wasn’t proud of. The same “Yes.”

Then I said, “Guess what. Me, too. We all do things that we’re embarrassed about or ashamed of. Or something might happen to us that makes us embarrassed or ashamed. There are things about all of us that we don’t want other people to know. But guess what else. Jesus knows everything about us. And He doesn’t threaten to tell the whole world. He keeps it a secret just between you and Him. But He does ask you to bring that stuff to Him so that you and He can work together to make things right again. Jesus loves you, and He knows that shame is a heavy thing to carry. And you girls – well, what a wonderful job you get to have! When you find out something embarrassing or shameful about someone, you get to practice being like Jesus! You get to practice making good choices. You can choose to hurt someone by sharing with others what they’ve done or what’s happened to them. Or you can encourage them privately to do better. Or maybe help them to let go of whatever someone has done to them that makes them feel ashamed.”

We talked about the big difference between someone doing something that could hurt others or put them in danger (where you always tell someone you trust for safety reasons) and something that was just a mistake or was wrong - but needed to be addressed privately by a caring adult or between friends.

It was a good chat. (Again – I personally think sugar helps. 😊) We all walked away more mindful of the power of knowing something about someone that might cause them to feel ashamed – and how easily we could be that someone. We walked away grateful that Jesus doesn’t use our shame against us – but actually removes our shame when we confess, repent, and turn to Him. We walked away with greater compassion and humility, too.

Shame has been around since…oh, yeah – the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve sinned, their innocence suddenly evaporated and shame flooded their souls. They felt the enormous weight of guilt for the first time. And how did God handle it? He mercifully sought them out from their hiding, covered their nakedness, and removed their shame.

Jesus Himself was no stranger to shame. In fact, He took a lot of flack for choosing to spend much of His time with people culturally steeped in shame – a woman afflicted with a bleeding disease, lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes, Gentiles. But in a pretty great exchange, Jesus removed their shame and bestowed honor on them. Ultimately, He took on our shame on the way to the cross, being mercilessly humiliated and mocked, not to mention being stripped and beaten almost beyond recognition. His victory over sin and death brought honor – which He graciously and lovingly bestows on us.

Not much has changed with us humans. Like Adam and Eve, we still do things that bring shame and guilt. And nothing about God has changed. God still moves toward us, providing a covering for those who trust in His Son Jesus and separating us from our sin “as far as the east is from the west.” (Psalm 103:12) But even if you know that you know that you know that you’re forgiven, the enemy may continue to hiss words of condemnation, failure, rejection, judgment, and worthlessness. Hey, child of God – remember the identity of that enemy – the father of lies. (John 8:44) The way to beat down those lies is with truth. So tuck a few of these verses into your heart to have at the ready when shame comes knocking at your door.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit Who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

“God made Him Who had no sin to be sin for us so that in Him, we might become the righteousness of God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” – Psalm 34:4-5

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:36

“I, even I, am He Who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” – Isaiah 43:25