A Tale of Two Surgeries

(This is a true story about a dear friend and her sweet husband. We’ll call her “K,” and we’ll call hubby “R.”)

K was a carefree 13-year-old girl listening to music and dancing with a friend when unbearable pain struck her knee. She collapsed to the ground, screaming in agony. Her frightened girlfriend ran from the room in search of her mother.

Oddly, when K’s friend and her mother rushed into the room, the sharp pain had disappeared as quickly as it had manifested. She was able to stand and tried to tell her mother what had just happened, but because all now seemed well – or well enough to her mom – the incident was brushed off. K felt unheard and unvalidated – a pattern that would be repeated many times over the coming years.

After repeated occurrences of the same sudden pain and collapses, K was eventually diagnosed with patellar subluxation in both of her knees.

It’s a complicated condition whereby the kneecap pops out of its normal place in the groove at the center of the bottom of the thighbone. When it occurs, the kneecap eventually returns to its normal position, but the ligaments that are responsible for holding the kneecap in place are damaged. The pain, instability, and uncertainty of when and where it will happen make living with this diagnosis both mentally and physically traumatizing. In most patients, patellar subluxation is due to an injury, but in K’s case, the cause was determined to be genetic.

K’s mom and dad were divorced so resources were often an area of contention between her parents. When they finally had K evaluated after multiple repeats of both of her knees dislocating, physical therapy was one of the treatment recommendations given. The understanding in the medical world at that time was that with physical therapy, K might outgrow the continuous dislocations. There would be additional expense involved so her parents opted to do nothing. Again, K felt unheard and unvalidated.

Dealing with this condition was a great challenge as K never knew when or where her knees would dislocate. She became proud of the fact that she was strong enough to overcome hard things – including the problems with her knees. Simultaneously, she strove desperately to earn the love of her parents – to finally feel heard and validated – by excelling in everything she was involved in.

In middle school, K became involved with a youth ministry where she met and became a follower of Jesus. High school found her – like many of us – straying from her faith, but God continued to pursue her. She found her way back to Him in her college days. Gracious God that He is, He brought R into her life, and they married in 2020.

Not only did K and R get married in 2020, but a little thing called the pandemic also took place. K and R were both very involved in their careers, and thanks to the pandemic, they were both able to work from home.

After three years of marriage, K suffered another dislocation and finally decided to take the plunge and undergo the surgery necessary to repair her damaged knee joints. She and R discussed the lengthy recovery time (usually lasting six-twelve months) and decided to proceed with surgery for the first leg. Recovery would require months of immobility of the joint and no weight bearing. It would involve regular, extensive, prolonged physical therapy. And then the surgery would need to be repeated on the other knee.

In July 2023, K had her first surgery. In terms of physical pain, it was all the doctors had told her it would be – multiplied! In fact, she was truly surprised by just how intense the pain was. She found her lack of mobility humiliating as she was required to depend on R for every movement and activity. She fought shame and embarrassment.

To say that their three-year-old marriage was challenged by this was an understatement. K became co-dependent on R, feeling that he needed to be nearby at all times. She became angry at him for every little thing although he was doing his best to serve and care for her. R, feeling attacked and underappreciated, responded in kind with his own angry words. It was a vicious cycle. And K’s anger wasn’t limited to being upset with R. She was angry at the church, feeling that she had no support from community, and because her condition was so uncommon and so complicated, she felt that almost no one was willing to actually take the time to listen and understand what she was experiencing.

Her body was severely challenged. Her marriage was at an all-time low. She felt alone and isolated.

In retrospect, K realized that she went into the surgery and recovery completely independent of God. She was blind to His “little mercies.” Fear set in as she realized the power her knee problems had over her – not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

She was at rock bottom and decided to look up.

K began to take baby steps back to God. She attended a women’s retreat and realized just how starved she was for relationships, community, and more and more of God. She and R walked through a marriage ministry curriculum with a strong, invested couple where they learned by the power of God to heal from the hurts they’d caused each other and to let go of the resentments that had built up between them.

When the time came to schedule the second surgery, everything except for the procedure and recovery was completely different. Physically, K knew what would be expected through her PT so she became a regular at the gym. An impressive weight lifting regimen was setting her up for success before she even underwent her surgery. Post-op, she found “peace in the obedience of looking for the new mercies” God provided each step of the way. She actually found joy in knowing that despite the pain, this surgery would ultimately “fix the problem” – a perspective missing with her first surgery.

She was appreciative of R’s care for her and embraced the humility of accepting his help – again, both mercies she’d overlooked with surgery #1. God also provided the opportunity for K to address the hurts inflicted by her family during her childhood, giving her the gifts of forgiveness and mercy. And with this surgery, she felt loved, supported, and cared for by the church in ways that she hadn’t experienced previously.

The ligaments used in her surgical repairs were obtained through cadaver donors. K developed a deep gratitude to the donor families who made the donations of those ligaments possible, remembering them with every step she took – a disposition she maintains to this day.

K would tell you that she became acquainted with sharpening through her suffering and that she developed a willingness to submit to that sharpening. God helped her to see past the pain to the future, realizing that as horrific as it was, it was temporary.

She would tell you that the biggest difference between her two surgeries was that with the second one, she chose to dwell in truth. She lived a mantra grounded in Psalm 23 – “I lack nothing.” – and by the idea that “He makes me lie down in green pastures.” And she would tell you that “God can take you there whenever you let Him.”

Finally, she would pass on to you the truth of James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Can I get an “amen?!”