On Being Thankful -- How Counting My Blessings Changed My Life

They say that God is always right on time. He knows exactly when to show up, and He's been known to make a spectacular entrance on more than one occasion in history! At other times, He just comes into the room and stands beside you, and nothing is ever the same. That's what He did to me a few years ago.

In the spring of 2011, my husband and I were in the process of moving to California so that he could pursue a new job opportunity. It was an exciting but scary time -- like you know big things are about to happen, but you don't know what that might look like. Scott had already gone out to California to start his job, and I stayed behind to get the house ready to sell and to help with plans for my younger son's upcoming wedding. My sweet friend Kim made a book suggestion for me to read since I had so much time to myself -- One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

I love to read, but for whatever reason, I ended up working easy crossword puzzles (because crossword puzzles for super smart people give me a headache and make me realize how not smart I really am) and watching Hallmark movies when things got too quiet around the house. In mid-June, I moved out to California to be with my boyfriend (who is also my husband -- lucky me!). As it turned out, not too long after I became a California girl (thanks, Jennie, for the t-shirt -- I still have it!), it became very apparent that my boyfriend and that job were NOT a match made in Heaven. A little doubt grew into a little fear. And a little fear grew into a little anxiety. And pretty soon, that anxiety grew into a quiet panic that bubbled under the surface of our lives. Every. Single. Day.

All I could think to do was to pray and to immerse myself in God's Word, searching for some semblance of an answer or solution to our situation and for ways to minister to my precious husband who was suffering more than I'd ever seen him suffer in our life together. In August of that year, I decided to hang out at a Barnes & Noble for some book browsing therapy. A woman's hands holding a bird's nest with two pastel blue eggs resting gently inside -- the serenity of the book cover caught my eye. And then the title -- One Thousand Gifts! Suddenly, I remembered Kim's recommendation from so many months ago! Yep, God showed up right in time. I bought the book and began to read it in every spare moment.

And that's where the journey began. From that book and from all that life and the Lord have brought my way since I read it, God has done a new thing in me. And this change has made a world of difference.

I began keeping a gratitude journal shortly after I began reading the book. I wrote down what I suppose you would consider the obvious blessings -- friends, family, a home, good health, a great husband. But through Ann's teaching and example, I began to search beyond the obvious. I began to look for beauty and wonder in the ordinary things of my day. The first sip of coffee in the morning. Squirrels playing in the trees when I walked the dogs. The softness of an old jacket on a chilly afternoon. The friendly checker at the grocery store. An unexpected text from a friend (man, was I lonely out there!).

And that was a great start! During slow times of the day, I would grab my journal and reflect on the last few hours and how sweet and intimate God's kindnesses had been to me. The list grew, and I looked forward to recording His blessings to me.

But even with all of these good things in my life, here we were -- in California, in a pretty messy situation, lonely, dealing with some health issues brought on by the stress of it all -- and trying to figure out how to work gratitude into the equation.

Ann taught me the concept of "ugly beautiful." (Her stories and poetic writing style -- oh, my goodness! You gotta read this book!) And boy, did "ugly beautiful" resonate with me! That's when you see a situation or are living out a situation that looks completely hopeless or hard or painful or just plain "ugly." And you step back. And you remember Who God is. And you remember a few of the things He says in His Word. " 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.' " (Isaiah 55:8-9) MOST of the time, God will be acting and working in this world and in individual lives for purposes that I'm not capable of understanding with my finite little brain. But I can know that in spite of my limited capacity to understand, He's working for good -- as that famous passage in Jeremiah reminds me. " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, ' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " And undoubtedly, the ultimate example of "ugly beautiful" is my sweet Jesus ransoming me from hell and death through HIS death and resurrection. Absolutely ugly. And absolutely beautiful.

A huge part of grasping the beautiful in the ugly is trust in our good, good Father. Ann relates the story of a lone drive into town for church on a Sunday morning. On her route, she crosses several bridges, and it occurs to her that she's crossed those bridges hundreds of times and has never worried that one might collapse. "I glance back in the mirror to the concrete bridge, the one I've boldly driven straight across without second thought, and I see truth reflecting back at me: Every time fear freezes and worry writhes, every time I surrender to stress, aren't I advertising the unreliability of God? That I really don't believe? But if I'm grateful to the Bridge Builder for the crossing of a million strong bridges, thankful for a million faithful moments, my life speaks my beliefs and I trust Him again." KNOWING that God has carried me through so many trials in my past gives me the faith and trust to face whatever "ugly beautiful" is in my future. He WILL carry me through because He HAS carried me through. All of those blessings -- from the tiny to the huge -- end up being building blocks of faith for the future.

Now here I sit this evening, back in Texas, near to our families, surrounded by good friends and my Jesus brothers and sisters, and catching a glimpse of California in my rearview mirror. Thanking God for His good gifts has become a discipline that I can't imagine stopping. It's strengthened my faith and understanding of Who He is, and it's also added to His beautiful mystery. I know I don't have to understand everything to be at peace. I only have to know the Peace Giver. It's helped me to trust Him for my needs and for the crushing needs of this dark world. Willing myself to seek His good in ALL things is how He's able to use me -- and you! -- to push back the darkness. And when we just don't get it, Charles Spurgeon has some comforting words for us -- "God is too good to be unkind, and He is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart." Ann reminds us of something along the same lines -- "God is always good, and (you are) always loved."

It's taken me a little over five years to get here, but today I journaled my 10,000th blessing from the Lord. And those are only the ones I've written down! His goodness to me has been 10,000 times 10,000 -- and more! I'll just let a few of Matt Redman's words from "10,000 Reasons" be YOUR blessing tonight.

"You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger.

Your Name is great, and Your heart is kind.

For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing,

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find."